New Women's Group Beginning June 5th

On Monday nights, my women's group has been enjoying deep discussions about relationships, career changes, the idiosyncrasies of living in New York City, Facebook and its affects on self-esteem, setting boundaries at work, singleness, online dating, embracing creativity, and defining important values and goals. They do this as they learn about each other and relate to each other as women.

BUT, the Monday night group has been full for awhile now. And I've been getting inquiries from others who'd like to join. So, I've decided to start a 2nd women's group on Wednesday nights from 7-8:30pm. We'll begin on June 5th!

My groups tend to attract women in their mid-20s through 40s who live in New York City and desire to connect with other women through insightful and inspiring discussion.

The group is great for women who are interested in being authentic, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and learning new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others. It is also excellent for women who feel stuck in their career or in life and are looking to make a change or take the next step forward.

Every week we tackle goal setting and life challenges. Participants always leave with action points that can be applied to their individual situations.

Members of the group tend to be made up of entrepreneurs, artists, and other professionals. Some are in a relationship. Some are single. Each woman brings unique insight and ideas to the sessions.

The group will meet every Wednesday night from 7:00 - 8:30 pm on the Upper West Side (West 96th St.).

The group is limited to 6 women and is $75 per 4-session cycle. There is no fee for the first session. It's just an opportunity to try it out. I interview all women before they attend the first time to answer questions and make sure the group will be a good fit. 

About me: I am a certified holistic health coach. I have 10 years of experience leading women's groups and coaching women around improving self-esteem, body image, achieving health goals, and clarifying personal values in order to make decisions that are important to them. I am also completing my degree in clinical mental health counseling this year.  (This is not a therapy group. It's a discussion group to break down ideas and issues that impact our lives as women and gain support around life challenges so that we can move forward.)

If you'd like to talk with me about attending on June 5th, please e-mail me at melissa@myheartdances.com or call 917-689-6530.

For more information about me, please visit myheartdances.com

--

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. 

Other posts you might like:

My Body... Finally. (Body image video released July 9th)

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic


About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Free Workshops, Social Gathering, and More!

I know I have been MIA for the last few months! But the spring semester is now over, and I have lots of GREAT stuff planned for you to get involved in this summer!

photo by Elmo Love

Love Your Body Now
while also Getting Healthy 

Sundays - 9:30-11:00am, 8 weeks, $150
Group Begins June 9th!

On June 9, I'll be adding a weekly group for women who are trying to lose weight, reach health goals, and love their bodies at the same time. Women who want to accept their bodies as they are but also lose weight and reach health goals often feel conflicted about these seemingly opposing ideas. This group will support women in getting healthy while also integrating body acceptance.

We'll be discussing:

• Healthy ways to achieve weight loss that work.
• New research on being "overweight" but healthy and what it means for you.
• Establishing a healthy lifestyle that is realistic and makes you feel good about yourself without torturing your body.
• Developing goals to enjoy your body now rather than waiting to see a lower number on the scale.

Begins June 9! Email me if you'd like to participate: melissa@myheartdances.com
  

Monthly Salons

I'll also be hosting some free monthly gatherings beginning in June where we'll view some thought provoking media on body image, self-esteem, sexuality and the like and engage in conversation and activities designed for self-growth and inspiration. Stay tuned for topics and dates!

MyHeartDances Social Gathering

And it's time to CELEBRATE SUMMER with another MyHeartDances social gathering! Details coming very soon! I will have the location and date confirmed any day now!







--

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. 

Other posts you might like:

My Body... Finally. (Body image video released July 9th)

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic


About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Could You Live A Year Without Mirrors?

“Giving up mirrors made me painfully aware of how much time I’d spent focusing on my looks…and I’d decided that spending time worrying about my looks--or what was happening on the surface of my body--was less valuable and meaningful than spending time focused on how it actually felt to live within my body...” - Kjerstin Gruys, Mirror, Mirror Off The Wall

I stumbled upon Kjerstin Gruys’ blog when I was working on the My Body... Finally video (which she writes about here). By that time, Gruys had already completed her project to give up mirrors for a year, and many people across the nation knew about her story. I became a regular reader because her posts are not only down-to-earth and relatable, but as a body image expert and PhD candidate whose research examines how workplace expectations for beauty and ‘style’ shape labor market inequality, Gruys often cites research on her blog to both back up and challenge some of the prevailing ideas about body image and self-esteem.

Gruy’s year without mirrors began as she caught herself obsessing about the perfect wedding dress and becoming so wrapped up in her image and concerns about weight that she could see herself headed down a dark path that was incongruent with her values and health. So she embarked on this journey to give up mirrors for a year (which included her wedding day!) hoping to become more present with how she felt rather than how she looked, to challenge her need for control by depending on and trusting those in her life who loved her, and to become more aligned with her values and the way she wanted to live her life.

Gruys documented her story, and the book was released last week. I’ve enjoyed reading it because I’m inspired by courageous exercises and experiments in self-growth, particularly those that are counterculture. I also enjoy Kjerstin’s refreshing honesty, her ability, even as a feminist and body image activist, to admit how much she enjoys make-up and fashion and that she is not immune from stressing about her weight or a bad hair day. In her book, she discusses how some aspects of the feminist movement can pose dilemmas for those of us who want to integrate or embrace certain beauty rituals without feeling ashamed. Her academic background shows up in her writing, with citations about interesting studies related to body image that most women I know will find rather intriguing and which may lead them to new ways of thinking about prevailing beauty and self-esteem myths. Kjerstin’s memoir is also highly relatable and the book has a number of laugh-out-loud moments (and some joyful tears at the end).

What I really appreciate about this work is that Kjerstin faces a challenging personal relationship that causes her to do a lot of soul searching and which leads her to a meltdown (the cathartic kind resulting in epiphany) during which she realizes her own judgments about other women’s choices not to challenge cultural beauty expectations in the way that she does has only worked to cover up her own envy and insecurities. She writes, “Just as my perfectionism rendered other women a threat deserving of cynical assessment, the very act of judging other women only fed into my own insecurities.”

If you’re doing your own soul searching around beauty, self-esteem, and authenticity, you’ll find this an educational, inspiring, and fun read. And while you’re thinking about it, why not commit to just one day without mirrors? Mirror, Mirror Off the Wall is available here.

Happy 2013!: Beat the Biggest Obstacle to Achieving Goals

Happy 2013!! Wooo Hooo!!!!

I am very excited about this year because I will complete my master's degree in mental health counseling! I can't wait!

What are your plans for this year? I suspect most of you have thought about some New Year's resolutions. As I've written before, I think New Year's is a great time to think about your life, what's working, what's not, what you'd like to be different or better, etc.. The beginning of the year is a terrific opportunity to take advantage of the social momentum to go after new goals.

That said, we all know that most people don't seem to keep their goals. But that doesn't have to be true for you this year. Take a few minutes to assess your goals today and use these tips to set yourself up for success.

The Biggest Problem with Goal-Setting

The biggest problem I see when clients of mine first set goals is that the goals are too general, and the plan for achieving those goals is not realistic or specific enough.

One of the most important components to goal achievement is to break everything down into clear and achievable steps.

Instead of saying:

"I'm going to lose 50 lbs this year by exercising more and eating healthier."

Try saying:

"I'm going to lose 5 lbs in the next 30 days by doing the Weight Watchers XYZ plan and walking 5 mornings per week for 1 hour. I will shop for food and plan my meals for the week every Sunday in order to set myself up for success. If the cookies someone brought in at the office are haunting me, I will go out for a 10 minute walk and breathe some fresh air. I will reevaluate my goals on January 30th."

Do you see the difference?

In the 2nd version, you know exactly what you are going to do, and it's within a time frame that you can really put your hands around. Your long term goal can still be to lose 50lbs, but by focusing on 30-day short term goals, you set yourself up for mini successes along the way that you can be very proud of.

Instead of thinking you will change something "this year," commit to changing/doing that thing religiously for the next 30 days. At the end of the 30 days, evaluate what worked, what didn't, and commit to continuing for the next 30 days.

What Are My Resolutions?

This year, my New Year's resolutions are to 1) Enjoy life more despite the major time commitment my courses require 2) To be stronger physically and 3) To avoid speaking negatively about my body.

How am I going to accomplish these goals?

Enjoy life more despite the major time commitment my courses require.

1) Everyday at 1:00, I will take 10 minutes for myself, away from my computer, to simply enjoy being present with myself. This time is specific and protected so that I don't waste it by reading emails or browsing the internet. If another commitment gets in the way (such as a meeting), I will take the time as soon as I return.
2) I will continue to watch my 2 favorite TV shows each week as a way to decompress.
3) I will set aside one special date night each month with Peter on a day that Peter and I will pick at the beginning of each month.

These might not seem like much, but I know they are realistic given the amount of work I have to do during the semester, and I believe these little things will make a real difference for me. Of course, I may have other things that I enjoy spontaneously, but the point of these 3 specific things is to give me times that are "protected" that I can look forward to.

To be stronger physically.

1) I will add 5-10 minutes of strength building exercises to my regular exercise routine 3 days per week. This will include various yoga poses and related exercises that challenge me. I will write the exercises down on my calendar so that I can keep myself accountable.

To avoid speaking negatively about my body.

1) On days when "I'm feeling fat" or my weight has crept up 2 or 3 pounds, I will not engage in negative self-talk or complaining about my weight to others.


I will religiously commit to these goals for 30 days.

What will you do?

Happy New Year! Have a wonderful week everyone!

--- 

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. 

Other posts you might like:

My Body... Finally. (Body image video released July 9th)

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic



About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

Women's Discussion Group - Monday Nights

I'd like to invite you 

to join me 
for 

thought provoking and inspiring discussion 


with other women 

who you can grow with and be challenged by.

My weekly women's discussion and process group has a new date and time:

When: Every Monday Night
Time: 7-9pm
Where: Upper West Side, Manhattan (W. 96th St.)
Cost: $75 every 4-session cycle

(**If this time doesn't work for you, email me about a 2nd group I'm putting together)


This group is for women who live in New York City and desire to connect with other women through insightful and inspiring discussion. 



The group is great for women who are interested in

    •    being authentic

    •    improving self-esteem and self-respect

    •    breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns

    •    learning new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others

    •    setting and working towards life/relationship/health/career goals with the support of other women

Every week we tackle goal setting and life challenges. Participants always leave with action points that can be applied to their individual situations.

The current group is made up of entrepreneurs, artists, and other professionals in their mid-twenties to mid-forties. Some are in a relationship. Some are single. Each woman brings unique insight and ideas to the sessions. 


The group is limited to 6 women and is $75 per 4-session cycle. 


There is no charge or commitment required for the first session. 


Participation in the group requires a short interview to make sure the group will be a good fit for you. 


For more information about me, please visit MyHeartDances.com



If you'd like to talk with me more about the group, please e-mail me at melissa@myheartdances.com or call 917-689-6530


Private coaching is available to women who would like individual support rather than group support.

--- 

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. 

Other posts you might like:

My Body... Finally. (Body image video released July 9th)

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic



About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

This Thursday! The Legendary MyHeartDances Happy Hour

There are 3 reasons I'm celebrating this Thursday: 

1) My Body... Finally. has been viewed almost 15,000 times.

2) The MyHeartDances website got a makeover this summer.

3) Summer can't go out without a bang.

Come have some fun with me and meet some new people! 

Come alone or with a friend. I will make sure that you are introduced to others!

Back by popular demand...
 The MyHeartDances Happy Hour Get-Together!
 

Come network, make a friend (maybe a romantic friend?),
and reconnect with me, or meet me for the first time!

Thursday, September 6, 2011

5:30pm until 9 or so....

   

Where: Jacob's Pickles, 509 Amsterdam Ave.
between 85th and 86th. St.

There is no cover.

RSVP Here or just show up.

As many of you know, we used to do these events at Counter, an organic wine bar/vegetarian restaurant.
Sadly, Counter closed last year. 

I chose Jacob's Pickles because it has a great atmosphere and will be perfect for socializing! They also have a large assortment of beers, 3 different types of root beer on tap, and, of course, lots of pickles!

I can't wait to see you all!
It's been too long since the last gathering!

If you get lost, call the restaurant at 212-470-5566

More photos from previous events: 

November 2010 Event 

March 2009 Event

January 2009 Event

--- 

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. 

Other posts you might like:

My Body... Finally. (Body image video released July 9th)

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic



About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

I Have Not Arrived. Have You?

Maybe as a personal coach, I am not supposed to say this, but I am having a difficult week.

One thing that has turned me off about the world of personal coaching is that many coaches portray themselves as having found the answer, as having “arrived.” They are selling the great life. The great life that “can be yours too.”

I think the idea of presenting oneself as having "arrived” must be a very lonely and high pressured place to exist. To have to maintain an appearance that one can easily overcome trials and tribulations and always end up on top must be difficult. Where does this person go to share their pain? To admit failure? To have bad days?

Because we all have pain. We all experience failure.

Even when we have achieved important goals in our lives, we cannot live forever on that mountain top - problem free. Life does not stand still in that way. We are always at risk of losing something. We are always at risk of facing difficulty. None of us will always make perfect choices.

Life is a journey. Sometimes we are feeling good, we are doing good, and everything just seems to be flowing in our favor. But inevitably we run into storms, some that quickly pass and others that are violent and persist. Other times we come to forks in the road. We sometimes have to stop and rethink our values and make difficult decisions. Sometimes we have to give up something that matters in order to have something that matters more. Sometimes we wonder if we made a wrong turn, and sometimes the opportunity to retrace our steps and take the other path has passed.

Sometimes it hurts.

I recently read a blog post written by a good friend of mine who is also a pastor. These words in the post comforted and inspired me:

“Our daily lives – our relationships, our work, our obligations – are full of difficulty. The temptation to go numb, to settle for mere survival, to live with low expectations – that temptation is huge...because life is full of pain, and loss, and disappointment. And even when it’s not – it’s still hard. And it takes great inner strength to be the person God has called you to be. It takes great strength to live the life that you know you’re capable of.”

My friend’s expression of the experience of life is one of the many reasons why I consider this person a good friend. I love being in spaces where the people around me are able to admit that we don’t have all of the answers, that life is hard and sometimes confusing. My friend is someone who I deeply respect, someone who is willing to embrace questions and uncertainty, willing to live in the space where answers are not easy and are often elusive, believing that dialogue and discussion and wonder are where we gain the possibility of experiencing a glimpse of the great mystery of love, God, and the universe.

His post inspired me because being real with each other about the difficulties of life is what helps us to heal and is what helps us to connect with each other intimately. To know that others get it helps us to feel less alone; it helps us to realize we are not the only ones going through hardship. The other thing about his post that inspired me is the reminder that the temptation to settle is strong...

but we must not.

I can’t help but believe that each of our lives has purpose and meaning.

One of the things I love so much about my women’s groups is that everyone gets to talk about what’s really going on in their lives, and they get to hear other women say, “Yes, I have experienced that also!” They get to hear other woman say, “I’m sorry. I know what you’re going through is hard.” And they also get to hear other women say, “I’m dealing with that too and this is how I’m managing, maybe this strategy will help you as well.”

I wanted to write this post because, as a coach, I have a certain skill set in helping people strategize and meet goals, to come up with solutions to challenges they are experiencing. But these skills don’t mean that I have life figured out. They don’t mean that I don’t have bad days or that I don’t wonder at times whether I took the wrong road somewhere along my journey.

Sometimes it feels like we live in a world where we’re expected to smile all the time. Smiles are good. I love smiles. But we all need a place where we can rest our heavy hearts at times and know that others get it. Sometimes we need to know that our lack of a smile or feelings of discouragement are normal and okay.

So, when someone proclaims that they have arrived, you are right to question this. There is no mountain top. When one problem is solved, another always appears. You did not somehow miss out on life’s secret. Find for yourself the company of others who can admit their struggles but who are also not willing to give up and who won’t let you give up either. It is often this good company that gives us the strength not to settle.

-----

** Curious about the women's groups? Visit myheartdances.com for details. There will be a new schedule in the fall. Feel free to email me with questions.

--- 

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges. 

Other posts you might like:

My Body... Finally. (Body image video released July 9th)

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic



About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

My Body... Finally.

Struggles with body image affect women of all shapes and sizes. Body consciousness is not just about weight and shape, but it includes skin color, skin tone, hair, eyes, etc. It is made up of all the things so many of us worry about and try to hide or perfect before we walk out the door (or decide which pictures of ourselves we’ll permit others to see).

I love to see women who are comfortable and confident in their skin despite being a different size or shape than what our society markets as the ideal. I love seeing a woman who doesn’t lose her confidence or her great smile just because she has a blemish.

I don’t think we see enough of real women’s bodies (shapes, sizes, blemishes) in a positive context. Even amongst friends, we often hide what we think are our imperfections. I think that if we were exposed to more of what is real and natural, we would all be more comfortable and confident with ourselves.



When I began dreaming about putting a project like this together, I asked Fernando Cuestas if he would be interested in partnering with me. I had worked with him in the past and found that he has an instinctive ability to make a woman feel comfortable and confident in front of the camera. He also has experience in the fashion world, so I thought it would be interesting to incorporate his background into a photo shoot with everyday women - but to leave the images unaltered.

The women who participated in this project are women in my life who I find beautiful and who I knew would want to speak out on this topic. I invited many more women than are seen here (of various ethnicities, ages, and sizes) but not all of the women were available to participate. There were a few women who declined because they didn’t feel comfortable with their bodies. I don’t blame them. Society has not made it easy for us to step out into the world just as we are.

My hope for this project is that it will play a part in advancing a much bigger movement that is helping women to accept and be kind to their bodies. I don’t want any woman to miss out on experiences because she is ashamed of her body – whether that means going to the beach in a bathing suit or smiling at someone she finds attractive.

If you are impacted by this video in any way, please join the conversation in the comments below or Tweet #mybodyfinally . If you want to make your own video, please do so and share it here. We need women of all races, ages, sizes, etc. to stand up!   (If you cannot see the video please click here.)

Did you hear me?

We need you. We need each other. The more women who risk being confident in front of the world just as they are helps everyone.

Thank you to each of the courageous woman who participated in this project with me.

Tweet

Melissa King
www.myheartdances.com

Fernando Cuestas Photography
www.fernandocuestas.com

---
Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic



About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.

My Body... Finally. Coming Monday

I asked women in my life to be photographed by a professional fashion photographer without make-up, in just their underwear and a tank top, as they speak about their personal experiences with body image and media. The photos that appear in the video were not altered or touched up.

I'm so excited to share this piece with you! I'll be posting it here Monday morning!

Melissa

A Short Post About Longing

When I was single, people often dismissed my longing to find love. They would say, “Oh, you’re so young; you have plenty of time” or “You’ll find love when you’re not looking for it,” suggesting that I was somehow jinxing myself by thinking about it. Perhaps they said these things because they wanted to help or because their inability to offer any real help made them feel uncomfortable. But their comments left me feeling ashamed of my need. In my community, women weren’t really supposed to express their longing for a man. Women are supposed to be the desired ... not the desirers. So the fact that I was desiring seemed to reveal that I was either not desirable (perhaps something is wrong with me if the “right” guy is not trying to “catch” me), too picky, or that I was somehow weak for feeling a need for a man.

Eventually I decided that there is nothing wrong with desiring long-term companionship, companionship with someone who I could experience a deep connection with. In fact, I determined that my desire was normal and healthy and that wanting love is a beautiful thing. I realized that the kind of guy who wanted that too would like that I wanted and needed love (and be excited that it could possibly be with him). And I decided that any guy who was afraid of my need for love was probably not that interested in a relationship or not that interested in me--both things that would be helpful for me to know sooner rather than later.

It’s good not to be ashamed of wanting love. Girls, you are normal. Don’t be ashamed of it. It’s wonderful to look for love. Embrace and honor what you really feel. If you do that while also working to stay engaged in other interests, and you keep a commitment not to compromise yourself in order to have pseudo-love, you’ll take another step forward in living fully and one day making a real connection with someone worth your time, energy, effort, passion, and heart.

---

Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.

Other posts you might like:

14 Days Closer to Love

What Our Painful Stories Say About Us

One Small Question About My Big Butt

Cliché Dating Advice? Here's My Response

My Journey with Bulimia

Things People Said that Changed My Life

Sign-up to receive these posts via e-mail: Simply Flaw-thentic

About Melissa:

Since 2002 I have been coaching women who are frustrated by common life challenges like dating, career direction, self-esteem, weight loss, and meeting health goals. Through private coaching, women's groups, workshops, and classes, I offer women tools to create strategies that allow them to move forward without compromising their personal values and needs.

My services are ideal for women who are interested in authenticity, improving self-esteem and self-respect, breaking unsuccessful dating/relationship patterns, and developing new habits that lead to better communication and improved intimacy with others.