... appearance discrimination [...] compounds gender inequality by reinforcing the double standard and double bind for women. They face greater pressure to be attractive and greater penalties for falling short. [...] As a consequence, women's self-worth is more dependent than men's on physical attractiveness. Yet, even as the culture expects women to conform, it mocks the narcissism of their efforts.
I love this quote, especially the last part. It comes from a book entitled The Beauty Bias: The Injustice of Appearance in Life and Law, by Deborah L. Rhode.
I discovered the quote/book on Kjerstin Gruy’s blog, Mirror Mirror OFF the Wall. You may have heard of her. She’s a PhD student at UCLA focusing on the sociology of gender, body, and culture, among other things. She’s particularly interested in understanding social inequality as it relates to physical appearance. Anyway, she is famous for a project in which she took a year off from mirrors (beginning 6 months before her wedding).
Today she announced that every Friday she’ll be discussing highlights from a course she teaches called “Gender, Appearance, and Social Inequality.” The “blog course” will include topics such as: Beauty Bias in Romantic Relationships, Beauty Bias in Employment, Intersectional Perspectives on Appearance and “Eating Problems,” and Men’s Experiences.
I’m looking forward to the “classes” and plan to offer my reactions to her posts here. I’ll also post points on Facebook so we can discuss it there. I hope you will engage in this discussion with me. I look forward to learning from your perspectives and experiences. I really believe that the more we talk to each other about these things, the more empowered we become as women.
Here is her first discussion question:
Have you ever felt pressured to downplay the time, money, and work that you put into your appearance? How does this shape your behaviors and beauty routines?
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Melissa King : Life Coach for Women * Dating / Relationships / Health
Specializing in helping women to honor their needs and values while developing practical solutions to life challenges.
When I was younger, somehow I picked up on the message that women shouldn’t put too much effort into their looks, and I remember consciously deciding that I would not be the woman who spent too much time on herself. Around the guys I dated, you could say I became competitive with other women by trying to be extra quick in getting ready to go out. I thought these guys would think it was cool if I was faster getting out the door than girls they had dated in the past. I prided myself on this. Obviously, wanting to get out the door fast is no big deal, but the fact that I thought of this as a competitive advantage and did it purposefully is interesting. Now that I’m older, my routine is pretty simple just because that’s what I prefer. However, occasionally, I just can’t find the right outfit to wear because I’m feeling fat or I’m having a bad hair day. I will try on multiple outfits and take what feels like a ridiculous amount of time trying to look just right. I get frustrated with myself when I do this, recognizing I'm putting too much effort into my image--yet, I'll keep going until I find something I feel okay about wearing. This is something I feel like I’m not supposed to let others know. I'm supposed to pretend that I’m totally confident and comfortable with myself all the time.
ReplyDeleteI prided myself on being a low maintenance woman too. Oh and when I was a teen I would go back and forth between portraying myself as a girl with a petite appetite stuffed after 2 bites, and a girl who could care less about calories and still be thin. I think I was more of the calorie counter with the girls because that was cool. Sadly, I specifically remember wanting to order after my friend one time so that I could order less than her! I was thin, but she was a stick. With the guys I wanted to show them that I wasn't some diet obsessed girl so I ate like them and don't remember talking about how fattening something was like I did with the girls.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for sharing this. It's so interesting that many of us think about how we want to present our relationship with food to the rest of the world. How and what we eat in public seems to serve a larger social purpose than simply sharing a meal. I wonder if attempts to control appearance w/ eating ever enter the average man's mind?
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